The NBA season is just around the corner, the New York Giants are an unstoppable juggernaut, LeBron's hair comes and goes as it pleases, Derek Jeter ends his career in style, Tony Stewart gets away with murder because the victim smoked pot a month ago, and to top it all off it’s James' birthday!
That’s right, Episode 34 is a “big one.” As big as Charles Oakley's muscles? YOU be the (fourth) judge!
Demetrious Johnson vs. Chris Cariaso- Here we go. Championship squash match. Joe Rogan is saying that Mighty Mouse “may be the best fighter on earth.” He’s not. He’s just far and away the best fighter in an extremely thin weight class. He’s a good fighter, but Joe Rogan will say just about anything to hype a fight.
At the end of the first round, Johnson almost knocked out Cariaso with a big right and a knee to the face, but Cariaso was saved by the bell. In the second round Johnson trapped Cariaso’s arm in the crucifix position and just brutalized him before locking in a kimura to finish him.
Donald Cerrone vs. Eddie Alvarez- Alvarez looks tiny in the cage with Cerrone. The notable thing in the first round is that the fighters clinched and Alvarez punched cerrone in the head about twenty times and Cerrone really didn’t even move. Cerrone survived and didn’t even look hurt, but Alvarez clearly won the round. In the second round, Donald started to get his kicks going. Working the body and landing heavy leg kicks as well. Eddie tried for a takedown, but it wasn’t there. Eddie’s right eye got jacked up. Fight tied going into the third round. Donald landed so many leg kicks that Eddie couldn’t stand and then went on the ground and worked some ground and pound for the final minute of the fight. Crystal clear 29-28 for Cerrone. There you have it. The best fighter in Bellator looks like he belongs in the UFC, but maybe not in the top 10. Alvarez doesn’t look like he has a lot of power in his hands.
Connor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier- Poirier’s lack of defense didn’t really do him any favors as he was dropped by a left and finished quickly in the first round. Poirier tried to complain that some of the punches were in the back of the head, but they were really close to the ear and I’ve seen way worse.
Tim Kennedy vs. Yoel Romero- this one is going to be controversial. Yoel won the first round, bloodying Kennedy pretty badly. Yoel was also probably winning the second round too, but Kennedy got off a flurry of uppercuts and almost had Yoel out on his feet as the round ended. When it was time to start the third round, Yoel was still on his stool. Now I may be a little too used to watching boxing, but when a guy is sitting on his stool when the round begins, the fight is usually over. Yoel’s cornermen took their sweet time getting out of the cage and then it looked like Big John made them towel him off. End result was that a dazed and tired fighter who had an inch-wide cut on his face got an extra thirty seconds or so to gather his wits. He went out and landed a nice combination on Kennedy before pounding Tim out on the ground. Can’t help but think that the fight wouldn’t have ended like that if Yoel answered the bell. I’m no expert on the unified rules, but if a guy doesn’t come out of his corner on time, you’d think there would be some sort of penalty.
Cat Zingano vs. Amanda Nunes- Let me start off by saying that I think that this was the best female bout I’ve ever seen in the UFC. In the first round, Nunes immediately took Cat Zingano down and was crushing her with devastating ground and pound. Nunes seemd to land four or five perfect right hands to Cat’s chin. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t go out. For some reason Nunes tried to grab Cat’s leg and Cat flipped her over and finished the round working from the top. In the second, Cat tossed Nunes to the mat and beat her up pretty badly. In the third, Cat executed an even more impressive throw and put a savage beating on Nunes on the ground. Really bloody before the ref stopped it.
Dominick Cruz vs. Takeya Mizugaki- Vegas crowd gives the former champ a warm welcome back. Mizugaki landed a few shots on Cruz, but shortly thereafter, Cruz shot in with a powerful takedown and pounded Mizugaki out at 1:01 in the first round. Cruz looked just like his old self for the one minute we saw him, with excellent movement and his shot looked explosive.
Jorge Masvidal vs. James Krause- Masvidal put on a striking and grappling clinic, easily beating the overmatched Krause.
Patrick Cote vs. Steven Thompson Cote seemed content to stay at range and let the far slicker Steven Thompson land kicks from range and punches whenever he got close. Cote didn’t have much for Thompson.
John Howard vs. Brian Ebersole- John Howard’s ultra-complicated haircut versus Brian Ebersole’s manscaped chesthair arrow. Close fight, not a great fight to watch, Ebersole got the nod. Third round was really close.
Kevin Lee vs. John Tuck- The most notable thing about this fight is that Lee kicked Tuck in the balls really hard, like straight on lined it up and blasted. Then Tuck got Lee back twice and on the second time, got a point deducted, which is weird to see, especially since Lee’s nutshot made me cringe way more. Anyway, Lee won 30-26 instead of 30-27.
Manvel Gamburyan vs. Cody Gibson- Manvel looked like shit and was getting his ass beat, but he pulled out a guillotine late in the second. Really high up on the head for a guillotine at 4:56 of the second.
I know some of you don’t like the small guys and even you sizest motherfuckers should buy this card because not only is there a championship fight in the littlest weight class in the UFC, but there are a ton of other good fights. Sure, Demetrious “Megamind” Johnson is fighting in a squash match, but at least it’s a title fight. The rest of the card is great. Dominick Cruz is on the undercard. That’s the former champ who vacated the belt due to injury if you’re following along at home. Plus you’ve got Connor McGregor fighting rabid Saved by the Bell fan Dustin “Diamond” Poirier. McGregor is insanely popular and this is his first big test. I’m sure the UFC is hoping he wins because he has a unique ability to electrify his countrymen, who are known to enjoy fisticuffs. Another radical fight on the card is Donald Cerrone against Eddie Alvarez. I love Donald Cerrone because every interview he gives, he basically just says that he doesn’t give a fuck who he fights, he’s not watching any tape and he wants to fight as much as possible. This has led to his looking flat sometimes. This is his fourth fight this year, but he didn’t take a lot of damage in his earlier fights so hopefully he’s coming in prime condition. Eddie Alvarez is the former Bellator champ. He looked great in Bellator, but it’s really hard to tell how good a guy is when he’s fighting Roger Huerta level competition. Tim Kennedy is fighting Yoel Romero. Romero is a beast and it will be interesting to see whether his raw athleticism will carry the day over Kennedy’s experience. The PPV card is started by Cat Zingano who looked great in her last fight, but is coming back from a long layoff involving a knee injury and her husband’s suicide to fight Amanda Nunes. Zingano looked awful in the weigh in, but we’re hoping she rehydrates and bounces back so that she can get the title shot she deserves. More coverage to come tomorrow.
Episode 33 puts the guys in a Patrick Ewing state of mind. Join them as they travel back in time to discuss Biggie Smalls, THE DUNK, Chris Childs, Charles Smith, Charlie Ward — the list goes on and on. It’s literally ENDLESS!
Other topics include The New York Giants' march to 14-2, a Ty Segall live show, teachers sexually assaulting students at Brad and James’ high school alma mater, Alanis Morissette and MORE!
The boys are on short rest this week as they attempt to get back on their classic Sunday-or-Monday-or-maybe-Tuesday-if-shit’s-fucked-up schedule, but that doesn’t stop them from giving it their all.
Join them as they discuss Jim Dolan’s musical career, USA Basketball’s dominance, the New York Giants' march to #ohandsixteen, offensive Urban Outfitters sweatshirts, Howard Stern and MORE!
LAS VEGAS, Nev.—Last night during an epic run at the 2-5 No Limit game at the MGM Grand, I noticed the top chip on my green stack still read “Mayweather Cotto 2012”. It felt apt.
The Strip had the feel of a Big Fight weekend last night, but just barely. Even the hundreds of women in skintight dresses snaking through the lobby in the absurd line for Hakkasan seemed like they were just going through the motions. On flights, at the weigh-in, and in the casinos, the crowd seemed dutiful, as if they were doing as they were told.
The energy that pulsed here last autumn during Mayweather-Alvarez is just not there. This fight and its result is a foregone conclusion, and most of us are just here to bear witness to a footnote to boxing history. Tonight could be one of the last moments where the world’s eye will be trained on the Sweet Science.
Photo by Esther Lin for Showtime
Of the two men in the main event, Marcos Maidana has everything to gain and nothing to lose. He has an opportunity to shock the world, and etch his name in history the way Buster Douglas and Boise State have before. He is a formidable underdog, but it would be foolish to underestimate him.
Floyd Mayweather is foolish in many respects, but inside the ring, he is the sage of his pugilistic generation. There are many faults one can find with Floyd, chief among them his sordid relationship with domestic violence, but one cannot accuse him of taking his profession lightly.
These are the last days of big-time boxing, and they will happen on Showtime and at the MGM Grand. Floyd Mayweather will be the star, and in truth, the opponent hardly matters. Maidana has a puncher’s chance, but only that. If this fight goes the full 12 rounds, or Maidana fails to connect on the perfect overhand right, expect fans to cash in those Mayweather betting slips, which pay a paltry 7 to 1.
The boys are back (in town) from summer vacation and ready to tackle the big issues. Issues like:
Melo smoking a cigar shirtless on Instagram
Brad eating Chipotle for lunch
James stacking dishes
We also attempt to make our way through the Ray Rice and Atlanta Hawks morasses (more asses) without drowning in the muck (and mire) of our privileged ignorance(s).
by Dr. Octagon, J.D.
Last week we were pretty down on the UFC’s shitty Pay Per View card for UFC 177. UFC boss Dana White took the time during the free portion of the card to call out the press for saying “disgusting, despicable things” about UFC 177. He also called out Dave Meltzer by name for something that he didn’t actually say.
This is just Dana being Dana . If it is disgusting and despicable for me to tell you that a card probably isn’t worth your money (this was even before Cejudo and Renan Barao dropped off the card) then I guess I’m guilty. I have no qualms about buying Pay Per Views. I’ve bought some terrible events, but this one just felt like a punch straight to the junk from Uncle Baldy McLiar. I could afford to buy the card, as usual, I wasn’t doing anything, but I just wasn’t excited about it.
I also find that it is a little disingenuous of Dana to tell us that we should be supporting the fighters by paying sixty dollars for a Pay Per View when he is paying Shayna Bazler $8,000 to fight on the third to last fight on the card. That’s how much money she got BEFORE TAXES. After Obama takes his cut and she pays her coaches, there can’t be much cash left. So she’s good enough to put on a Pay Per View, but not good enough to make five figures.
by Dr. Octagon, J.D.
I’ve been covering the UFC for what feels like a long time now, and it’s starting to feel like a chore.
Whenever I complain about watching UFC for a living, people give me a hard time. But as these cards get thinner and there is less and less talent on each card, it makes you wonder how they still think they can charge the same amount of money for a Pay Per View. Now, I’m a highly-compensated MMA blogger, but for people who are not in on the payroll of the munificent Mr. Nagesh, just following this sport is becoming a pricey proposition.
People on the internet have argued that UFC 177 is the worst card ever. These people must not have woken up at the crack of dawn to watch any of the Asian cards on Fightpass. That said, those cards are part of a ten-dollar-per-month offering for which only the truly hardcore need apply. So UFC 177 isn’t the worst card ever, not by any stretch of the imagination, and to say so is hyperbolic, but it very well might be the worst Pay Per View on paper in recent memory.
That’s not to say that the fights will be bad, many fights that have looked horrible on paper have turned out great, and some fights that have looked like they would be action-packed slugfests have turned out horribly. The closest thing to this terrible card that I can think of is UFC 149. Let’s compare:
J.R. Smith canoodles with “1,000 pounds of ass.” Thanasis Antetokounmpo picks the D League. Fifty Cent is a massive dick to Floyd Mayweather, and James can’t keep his balls from twisting into a knot.
All this and MORE on this week’s episode of The Fourth Judge Podcast.
The boys deal with serious adversity this week as technical difficulties lead to the tragic erasure of the grab bag portion of the show. How do they cope? How do they pick up the pieces? There’s only one way to find out!
Also on the docket: Chris Smith retweets Joe Budden, Melo takes on the ice bucket challenge, the Giants remain a serious threat to go 0-16, and James gets ripped off on Canal Street.
This week the boys talk skinny Melo, tampering Drake, Battered Bastards of Baseball, 7-11 branded Runts, King Louie, and MORE!
Photo courtesy of Suzan Classen
by Sarah Deming
BROOKLYN, N.Y.—Saturday’s card at Barclays was a bad night for the underdog, and – to quote light welterweight Edgar Santana (above right) – we are all underdogs in one way or another.
In the first of the night’s three mismatches broadcast on Showtime, bone cancer survivor Danny “Miracle Man” Jacobs (below) almost finished Aussie Jarrod Fletcher in the first round. Fletcher hung on until stopped by a barrage in the fifth.
The reliably odious Jim Gray worked the cancer angle overtime in the post-fight interview, even asking Jacobs what he thought about when he was on his deathbed. What Danny Jacobs thought about on his deathbed is none of our business. Anyway, it’s not a deathbed if you survive.
Photos by Amanda Kwok for Showtime
by Sarah Deming
Saturday I headed to Atlantic City with some Russian comrades to see light heavyweight champion Sergey Kovalev knock out Blake Caparello in two. Due to the generous pour of the vodka martinis at the Revel Casino, I’m having trouble recalling everything, but ten things linger…
1. My Russian lesson on the ride over from the men in the Kovalev caps. I learned that the two heads on the Russian eagle represent secular and religious power, that Kovalev is from a small town in a harsh industrial area in the Ural Mountains, and - because I know no geography except subway lines and wine regions - that the Ural Mountains form the border between Europe and Asia.
2. The very beautiful and very pregnant wife of undefeated heavyweight Constantin Bejenaru in black sportswear with ample jewelry, dark hair in a glossy braid to her waist, looking like a special effect.
3. The dreadful Polish heavyweight from that Tyson Fury-Steve Cunningham undercard, shaped like a sea lion and unable to block jabs, exchanging brain damage with a journeyman nicknamed “King Charles” while the crowd roared approval.